Alias(es): Joltin' Joe
Real Name: Unknown
Apparent Age: 40's
Anarch Reputation: Diplomat
Title: Custodian (Self-styled.)
Concept: Coyote turned Wheel Man turned Demo Man turned Philosopher... what a ride it's been.
Physical description: Looks like the player, but with a shitload more bestial and feral traits.
6'1", dark hair, pale skin. Approx 220lbs (Brawny x4.) He's usually dressed in a some kind of quasi-military highly utilitarian outfit that immediately betrays the fact that he spends a lot of time outdoors. He's also usually bundled up like it's the middle of winter, to help disguise his many bestial traits from the eyes of roving cameras.
Relevant Mechanics: Green eyes with Eyes of the Beast. Hawk eyes that don't change back to human when he does, nictitating membranes, and a neck that swivels like an owl make this dude uncomfortable to be around for some.
Baseline intimidating, which just comes naturally, in much the same way that all Toreador have "resting bitch face." Joe has an aura of command about him, a raw, forceful presence that higher gen’d Vampires find difficult to ignore.
Also, it's even money if he'll shake your hand or sniff your butt when he meets you for the first time.
Nicknames: Certain members of various high clans have taken to spelling Joe's surname "Barkley." If Joe is offended by this, he hasn't mentioned it.
Shanghai Kelly conferred the nickname “Joltin’ Joe” and there are some who still refer to Joe that way.
Members of the SoCal Free States, and by extension the Camarilla Court of Los Angeles, have started referring to Joe as Joe Motherfuckin’ Barclay. Either because “you keep what you kill” (Johnny Chang, q.v.) or simply as a modern term of grudging respect. It’s doubtful they’re aware of the custom from Kreiger Klien.
Joe serves as the Custodian of Putnam County, Florida, maintaining an uneasy neutral territory between the Sabbat held territory in Ocala, the Camarilla domain of St. Augustine, and the Anarch Free State in Gainesville.
Joe also has a small personal demesne adjacent to the Camarilla controlled territory of Los Angeles, and often seems to maintain a bi-coastal presence.
Basic Timeline: Joe had been around Orange County, CA, for a long time in the late 90's & early 00's. He was a foot soldier in the original uprising in L.A. and provided much of the intel that pushed the Cammunists out of O.C. in '03 or '04. He was obviously on the ragged edge of humanitas for a longer time than most could maintain, but saw quite a turnaround in that department for a brief time before his apparent death and subsequent resurfacing, when he appeared to be "Pathy A.F."
Joe was Baron of Unincorporated O.C. during the Camarilla occupation of Orange County by Princes Rook and Seth Lauren, but later relenquished the title and maintained the area as a Gangrel Free Range Zone*.
Despite all previous efforts, he finally made his bones in the movement by standing tall before the man at the Conclave in Columbus in 2006. He delivered an Anarch Manifesto before an assemblage of Justicars and Elders, and the results were about what you would expect, except that Joe is not a pile of ash. In the time since then, his commitment to the cause saw some some fluctuation, but he seemed to be on a pro-anarch swing while he had a firm grip on his Humanity. Since finding a path of enlightenment that agreed with his temperament, Joe doubled down on his pro-Anarch, pro-Gangrel stance, carving a niche for himself as an Autarch and daring anyone to tell him otherwise.
- The OC Gangrel Free Range Zone is no longer maintained as such by Joe. There may be some areas of Unincorporated OC that are not crawling with Sabbat, but the Country Gangrel of various political stripes who called the area home were decimated by the Sabbat siege of Orange County. The survivors of that conflict make their homes elsewhere now.
Current Activities: Joe took part in the defense of the Free States in spring 2011, but has only been seen by a few people there following the decimation of the Gangrel and the Nuke (and EMP blast) which rocked the county after the Brujah lost their collective minds. He indicated to folks that he was headed East... and surfaced in Palatka, Florida. He currently claims Putnam County as neutral territory at the behest of Warlord Karsh.
Joe was presumed dead after an ill-fated visit to Ocala in September, 2012. He resurfaced at the Anarch hosted gathering aboard the Queen Mary in November, 2013. He answered Kelly Half-Blood's call to revel the following week and fought alongside a host of Gangrel at The Battle of Nine Storms to help bring down the traitor-beast Portus.
Joe maintains a presence in Putnam County, Florida, serving as the Custodian (self-styled) of the area. However, his interests frequently take him far afield. He hasn't been back to Orange County, California since the nuke incident, but recently he has been seen in SoCal more frequently.
Merit Details: His eyes glow green, just like his sire's did. He also seems to be able to see things from a long ways off.
Joe has an aura of command about him, a raw, forceful presence that higher gen’d vampires find difficult to ignore.
Background: Joe has mentioned running a brewery, and selling beer to redcoats off the same wagon that smuggled saltpeter to the American rebels. He has also mentioned crossing the Cumberland Gap when it was a deer trail, which suggests that by the time the Revolutionary War rolled around, Joe had been embraced for some time.
No one has sat down and established a timeline for Joe, and his demeanor suggests that he would not hold still for that type of interrogation for long. The types of tales which emerge most often are those which involve safely transporting materiel and personnel from one place to another place, with an overarching theme that is best summed up in these words by H.L. Mencken, "Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats."
Has never refused aid to the deserving (although he has a narrow definition of "deserving") but maintains no formal allegiances. Gangrel first, Anarch second.
In that regard, Joe has some Gangrel whom he considers "pack" in the original sense of the term, but that is a loose approximation as those few are scattered over a very wide geographical area.
Previously, Joe was minding the store in South O.C. while Keller was MIA. Eventually, a couple of Keller's Lieutenants (Rooster being one) stepped up to the plate. Gangrel were decimated when the Sabbat pushed north from San Diego late 2010. Joe lent his claws to the fight as late as Spring 2011, but has not been seen in the area since.
In Putnam County, Florida... Joe must have allies. But other than Jennica Sparrow, who seems to spend most of her time schlepping messages to the Court of St. Augustine on Joe's behalf, it is not immediately apparent who they may be.
In April 2017 Joe responded to a Gang roll call with the name Solamente Uno. Since then, he's repeated the line a few times in conversation, but if anyone else is amused they're keeping it to themselves. There aren't many Autarchs who claim gang affiliation.
Since he killed the remaining members of the fucking Sabbat pack that had been trailing him since the last time he came back from Mexico, Joe does not currently possess any enemies that he's worried about.
Joe has little patience for Nihilists, but considers them both useless and tedious, not enemies.
Bear, until such time as Connor's misplaced need for vengeance is resolved, or he renounces the Right of Destruction he currently holds over Joe within the domain of Los Angeles.
Rowan Caraway (deceased or walkabout). Rowan was quite infamous in his day, which lead to some difficulties between Joe and certain Garou and Nuwisha. Joe has told that tale around a fire or two, and hopes that's the end of it.
Joe skews Autarch on the Anarch alignment chart. This has proved difficult to grasp for some neonates and other small-minded folk. For his part, Joe seems content to exist on the fringes of Anarch society, as neither his philosophy nor his methods fit easily into any of the other commonly accepted categories of Anarchs. The pendulum of Anarch opinion within The Movement seems to be trending toward "Autarchs are not Anarchs" again, aided by some aggressive and insidious hype from the Hardliners' corner. It's understandable, given their extreme stance, that they'd seek to cast anyone not falling in line in a negative light.
The thing to remember about Autarchs is that they are individual and varied. Some may be true independent hermits, denying both sect and clan, others may be comfortable watching the gathering from the edge of the firelight. It's reductive to slap one label on all of them, stick them in a box, and reject their status as Anarchs out of hand. As Joe has oft stated, "Telling an Anarch that they're not an Anarch is about the most un-Anarch thing one can do."
But just as the various mortal subcategories of Anarchism are ill-fitting when applied to the Anarch movement, so to does the term Autarch in the mortal sense fail to encompass the variety found among the Vampires who adopt the term. As far as Joe is concerned, in the Venn overlap between Stoicism, Epicureanism, Hedonism (in the classical sense) and Praxeology from whence the philosophy derives, it's obvious to anyone who has eyes to see that Joe falls squarely in the center. Or, as Joe has pointed out more that once, "Autarchy, from the Greek αὐταρχία, means rejecting Government, and ruling oneself and no other. So in that regard, Autarchs are the purest form of Anarch."
Honestly, Joe is just a slightly less badass version of Frank.
Talking Heads - Swamp
Talking Heads - Psycho Killer
Talking Heads - Life During Wartime
Red Hot Chili Peppers - True Men Don't Kill Coyotes
Quotes from Joe:
doubletap to the sternum
Mateo: "Jesus Christ, Joe!"
Joe: "What, we're not killing these guys?"
~During a mission to secure an EMS rig that did not go quite according to plan.
"You gotta feel this, it's SO SOFT!"
~Said to Heather of New Haven, while kneading the Toreador knitting project on display at Book's Grand Elysium in SF.
Justicar Petronius: "May we have a copy of that document?"
Joe: "I'm sure there are many here among you who can repeat it verbatim."
~Stalking out of the Conclave of Columbus in '06.
"Om nom nom nom nom!"
Joe, while "Blessed by Dispater" with the Eat Food Merit, tucks into his meal at the Giovanni Event in Las Vegas, April 2008. (Also pictured in the video is Jade Jo, one of 2 surviving members of the Anarch Nomad Gangrel Gang known as J Crew)
- This video does not exist ICly.
"Okay, Let me spell it out for you: a) Fuck You. b) A bright light in the night sky plus a shockwave plus an EMP blast equals nuke. c) If there were no reports of radiation poisoning then that just means that someone with the juice to suppress those reports did exactly that. Or d) they used a single engine plane and a suitcase bomb to localize OC, which e) would leave you with about as much ionizing radiation as Three Mile Island - and, newsflash, that's nothing compared to your average angiogram. Which brings us to: f) Fuck you if you think that anyone who cares enough about the masquerade in OC to nuke the whole county might not cauterize the wound and set the next one off at ground level."
~Elaborating to some clueless fucks about why he finally split from OC.
Joe, pointing a still smoking gun at a certain crumpled and bleeding green-eyed brunette:
"So, lesson one: Don't wake Dad up early when you want to watch cartoons. Lesson two: the redhead was smart enough to let Dad have his coffee and a cigarette before she started in with the pouncing. Lesson three: if there was pouncing, it's none of your goddamned business."
~Grace learns that Daddy is not a morning person, and that long red hairs are best left unnoticed.
"Blow it out your ass. You got nothing to say to me that doesn't start with, 'Hi Joe, let me suck your dick in exchange for blaming all my fuckups on you.'"
~Joe, to Johnny Muthafuckin Chang, post O.C. Siege of '10-'11
"I choose the title 'Custodian' very carefully. To reiterate: it does not imply a sect allegiance, and both of the meanings of the word apply, i) One who cares for, tends to, or looks after a place, and ii) One who takes out the trash."
~Joe, to a (now deceased) Ravnos, explaining the situation in Putnam County, July, 2011
"...I can see quite a few pissed-off Brujah manning the exits, so..."
Joe's contribution to the Roast of Shanghai Kelly, Bay Area Grand Elysium, May 2012.
- This video does not exist ICly.
Grace: "Sean says that I DON'T have to be naked to shift forms."
Joe: "Sean ruins everything."
~via SMS during an after-action report.
"I'm polite, bordering on obsequious, most of the time in these situations. No, seriously. But let's not kid ourselves. If I had given a sensual handjob to everyone in the room, half of them woulda complained about my manicure."
~Joe, to Ethan Neumann, following the Conclave of Jean Baptiste in San Jose, CA. May 2016
Joe Barclay Discusses the Execution of The Betrayer Johnny Motherfuckin' Chang (This recording exists ICly if you have access to FREEP, it exists in spoken word form if you have access to the Gangrel winds.)
"Anarchy is not synonymous with Chaos. Anarchy is not the absence of Order, Anarchy is the absence of Hierarchy."
~Joe, more than once, to all and sundry.
Matchstick: "Mac says he's gonna draw you like one of his French girls."
Joe: "Tell Mac to draw fast. I can't maintain an erection as long as his French girls."
~Kubla '17, the night following the evening when Joe made threats against Nosferatu artists.
"Why am I Autarch? Learn your history, Chucklefuck. Mortals co-opted Anarchy in 1840. The First Anarch Revolt was 350 years prior to that, and the First Free State was a hundred years later. Anarchy originally meant leaderlessness. It means a lack of hierarchy, so... not a bad name for a revolt that was about pulling down oppressive Elders. But since then, Vampires have fucked up Anarchy even worse than Humans. Shit, the insult used to be that the Anarchs were Cam-lite. These nights you're not considered an Anarch unless you stand with your 'brothers' and back their play no matter how idiotic. No, the sad, ugly truth of the matter is that too many Anarchs are Sabbat-lite. I never stopped being an Anarch. Anarchs stopped being Anarchs."
~Overheard, Summer 2017
“Putnam County isn’t a Barony. I know this because I’m the only Vampire who lives there, and I’m not a Baron. Is it a Free State? Not exactly. I’m an Autarch, so while it’s true, in my case anyway, that I fall under the Anarch umbrella, the territory doesn’t qualify, mostly because of my border control policies. If you put a gun to my head and made me slap a label on it, I’d call it a neutral Autocracy. Well, more accurately... an Independent Autocratic Autarky. But it’d have to be a pretty big gun.”
~Overheard, Winter 2018
“Only prey animals avoid eye-contact.”
~Overheard, Winter 2019
Quotes about Joe
"Why you wanna mess with Joe, don't you know he got shit on his mind?"
"The thing about Joe Barclay is this. If you don't have beef with him, he won't have beef with you. And this is a guy who drives a truck loaded with bulletproof vests, wooden stakes, and explosives. So, not the kind of guy you want to start something with, because he will set you on fire and run over your corpse. Don't give him shit and don't be stupid, and he'll have your back. He doesn't make enemies, but he sure finishes them."
~Bartlett, to assorted worried Tremere, at the Berkeley Grand Elysium, May 2011.
"Holy shit, Joe's back!"
~assorted Anarchs, Queen Mary, September 2013.
"Joltin’ Joe Barclay, Green Eyed Coyote, true to his namesake returned from the dead to heed the call, soaring about us as a massive bird."
~Erik Logan, recounting the events of The Battle of Nine Storms, September 2013.
"I scout the edges of Putnam County every couple months, just to check if Joe is still peeing on the trees. Last I checked, he is."
~Outdoorsy, unnamed Anarch.
"You wanna know how Joe runs his territory? A fucking 4 year old just shot his mom in the back with a hand cannon in a downtown Palatka parking lot. What does that tell you?"
~Disgruntled, yet insightful Anarch.
"So… Joe drops a staked kindred off at G-ville Elysium. I mean, on one hand, yay, because it turns out this lick used to hunt one of our own… but on the other hand, the creepy fucker didn't stick around to say hello, just left a note. I dunno, written in cursive I guess. Prolly pulled the quill out of his own ass, the fuck do I know? Stop bogarting the blonde. But the point is… wait, I had a point. Fuckit. Lemme take my sucks off this bimbo."
~Observant, but easily distracted Anarch.
“Joe’s voice sounds like Hunter Green.”
In an elaborate attempt to regain lost humanity, Joe once subsumed a Panda and forced it to mate in order to preserve the species. This did not result in any baby Pandas, but it did give Joe an unhealthy fondness for bamboo for some time afterwards.
Joe has been to Mexico and back. He doesn't talk about it much, other than to say "Don't go to fucking Mexico."
Joe has been to some shadowy place called the Umbra and back. He doesn't talk about it much, other than to say, "Don't go to the fucking Umbra."
Joe wears the ashes of a former Gangrel Justicar in a pouch around his neck.
Joe may or may not have been the reason behind a shipping container full of dead hookers found in San Pedro. It was a confusing time for him, and he doesn't talk about it much.
You should definitely talk to Johnny Muthafuckin Chang before you ask Joe to teach you anything meaningful.
Joe Barclay ashed Johnny Chang.
Joe has an overdeveloped sense of vengeance.
If you know how to talk to Johnny Muthafuckin Chang, Joe might teach you something meaningful.
Joe boasted to The 17 that he crossed the Cumberland Gap when it was a deer trail.
Joe takes the ideal of Elysium very seriously.
Joe will come positively unglued if he catches you killing coyotes on his turf.
Apparently, the Sabbat in SoCal are looking for Joe in a big way. Seems somebody derailed a train of theirs in L.A. and there mighta been an explosion, and a riot... and they seem to think that Joe is responsible. Nevermind that Joe lives in Florida now, don't confuse them with the facts.
Joe has popped up in cities all over the country with charred, tattered and blood spattered issues of Crash & Burn
Joe was killed by the Sabbat in Ocala, while under a flag of truce, during a parley to recover Anna's ashes, in November 2012.
Some Giovanni slitch by the name of Gavriella Ghilberti came around G'ville looking for Joe. Apparently, sucking off Joe's ghost wasn't doing it for her anymore and she was looking to dig up his bones. Claimed a wife's privilege. Silly Gio, everyone knows Joe only eats Chinese.
Joe resurfaced at the big Shindig at the Queen Mary in September, 2013. Apparently, he was only mostly dead. He sure does look like shit though, what has he been doing all this time?
Joe definitely has a hard-on for pissing in Justicarial Wheaties at Conclaves. This time it was the new Brujah Chica, Manuela Cardoso, and all that Jean Baptiste nonsense.
Joe gave Matchstick a big, long, hug in the middle of the 2017 Grand Elysium in San Francisco, like Michael Corleone kissing Fredo. A week or two later and Matchstick isn't returning calls. ... Coincidence?
Joe is most certainly “Pathy AF” and some folks at the 2018 Grand Elysium in San Francisco will tell you that it’s the path of turning yourself into a robot.
Joe accepted a contract on Prince Keefe’s life as a favor to his packmate, Prince Sunny, and sub-contracted the hit to his werewolf pals, who took Keefe out in a daylight temp-Haven raid.
Joe didn’t have shit to do with the Keefe hit, the Pathy fucker is barely awake before midnight. All that shit about Prince Sunny and subcontracting his werewolf pals is totally true when it comes to Valentina Vasquez though. Serious Beef. Joe got paid to do something he was gonna do for free anyway.
Joe strongly suspects that all or some of The Knights are Sabbat, just like The Crypt Sons, rotting from within.
Joe is strongly suspected by all or some of The Knights of being Sabbat, rotten from within
Joe sparkles. He is a sparkly vampire, just like that guy from that awful teen vampire series of books that in turn became an even more awful series of movies...
Joe has a 5 acre chunk of property carved out of Los Angeles as a personal domain. How in the Sam Hell does Joe Motherfuckin’ Barclay rate 5 acres of prime L.A. County Real Estate‽ Seriously, it’s a 78 million dollar property. Ask anyone who was at the 12th Night party in L.A.! Shit is ridiculous.
Joe takes being contracted to handle security a little too seriously.
Joe has most definitely yeeted a bobcat.
Joe went to Tampa and didn’t even get a lousy T-shirt... just a blood hunt.
Joe was invited to Nairi Riad's Anarch Ted-style talks in late 2017. His presentation became the first episode of Your Evening Cuppa Joe podcast.